As you may have noticed, these facts are NEW!
The older ones, for your reading pleasure, are toward the bottom of this page,
at the next silver rule! We hope you enjoy our latest installment of Useless but
- Contrary to popular opinion, oven chips
are not good for you. Despite the manufacturer's attempts to persuade you
that they're practically a health food, the reason oven chips cook in the
oven whereas normal chips don't, is that Mr McCain soaks the oven chips in
fat before putting them in the flimsy plastic bag. And this is in some way
better than you soaking it in fat yourself, at home, among friends. I mean
at least I know where my fat came from.
- It's possible to lead a cow upstairs,
but not downstairs.
- If you take some dried grasshoppers,
powder them and roll them into a cigarette, and then smoke that cigarette,
you can simulate the effects of not having any marijuana.
- Beer makes an amusing, and effective,
substitute for lemonade at tiny children's birthday parties. Watch your child's
friends' parents' faces as your child starts becoming aggressive, chanting
football slogans and vomiting over the furniture, and its tiny friends get
into a vicious fight with Newcastle Brown bottles over whether or not one
of them is 'a poof'.
- Custard powder (indeed any fine, dry
powder such as coffee whitener or cement) forms a highly inflammable and explosive
suspension in air. Holding a jar high in the air and gently tapping some out,
while holding a burning lighter underneath, is a great way to amuse your friends
at parties. It's also a great way to lose your eyebrows, hair, the paint off
your ceiling, and frequently your ceiling.
- Those aren't really Helen Mirren's legs
in that banal British Airways advert. And yes, I am concentrating in the area
in front of your legs Helen, I'm a girl. (Submitted by Ruth)
- Dropping a laser printer toner cartridge
from the top deck of King's Mall Car Park in Hammersmith is a good way to
make your mark. In this case, a large circular mark about thirty feet across.
- Irritating market research operatives,
religious cultists and other people who approach you in the street can be
easily killed by means of a simple home-made flamethrower. This can be constructed
by the laybeing in less than an hour using a tin of petrol, a bicycle pump,
a candle and a length of garden hose.
- Ethernet cable makes an amusing, and
fatal, substitute for bungee rope.
- The word 'yes' in Italian means 'no'
in English. This has foxed intrepid travellers for centuries.
- You can quickly drive human beings to
homicide and madness by the simple expedient of sitting behind them on a train
popping bubble wrap continuously for forty minutes.
- Safeway Savers Sausage contain up to
320% of the European Community's recommended daily allowance of lard.
- Breakfast cereals only contain vitamins
and iron because the manufacturers literally pour great vats of nutrient into
the packets before shipping them. It's all a bit futile really; you might
as well pour a tub of multi-vitamins over your chips and say 'Look everyone!
Chips are good for you, no they are, they're full of vitamins!".
- Childrens' Wendy houses are not practical
dwelling places for a family of fully-grown adults. Seriously. Give it a go.
- Most things that look like wood nowadays
simply aren't. It's quite literally a thin veneer.
- Internet router programming has been
shown to cause vomiting and premature death in laboratory children.
- The word 'frisnit' is not in the standard
UNIX spell-checking dictionary. Try it if you don't believe me.
- You can get a lot of shit out of a Pekinese.
- The Spring/Summer 2003 Index Catalogue
is full of overpriced tat.
- The standard playing speed of the average
cassette tape is 1 and 7/8ths of an inch per second.
- A beermat can be a surprisingly effective
weapon, if you're drunk enough. The key thing here is to hone it to a killing
edge, then use it to slice the victim's cheek open.
- You can hurt yourself if you run with
- Salman Rushdie devised the slogan "Naughty
But Nice". (If only he'd stopped at that.)
- Mike Nesmith out of the Monkees' mum
invented Sno-Paque (not Tippex - sorry Mike Nesmith's mum). No, honestly!
- Salman Rushdie invented the slogan 'Go
to work on an egg'.
- You can remain alive for up to 13 seconds
after having your head cut off.
- Wee Jimmy Krankie off of TV's The Krankies
is not in fact a small boy. It's a WOMAN dressed up.
- Toffee Crisp chocolate bars contain 2.1g
of protein. Like, if you're stuffing your face with a great lardy Toffee Crisp
you give a flying shite about how much protein it contains.
- Remember children can choke on peanuts.
(Warning on the back of a packet of peanuts)
- Regional television tends towards the
slightly amateurish and embarrassing.
- You can hurt yourself if you run with
- Motor racing's Murray Walker invented
the phrase "A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play". Apparently.
- Betamax is better than VHS.
- The hexadecimal machine language for
the 80x86 assembler instruction TEST Byte Ptr [BX+01B3],02 is as follows:
- Gerbils are illegal in California.
- The telephone number for the MFI furniture
store in Thurston Road, Lewisham is (0181) 297 0204.
The facts below are still useless, but are
the older ones, the newer ones are above!
- Every single human on the planet has
more than 6.0 * 10^19 (60 octillion or 60,000,000,000,000,000,000) hemoglobin
molecules. Each of those is made up of 574 amino acids, each of which are
connected in a special order.
- In 1983, a Japanese artist, Tadahiko
Ogawa, made a copy of the Mona Lisa completely out of ordinary toast.
- Gloucestershire airport in England used
to blast Tina Turner songs on the runways to scare birds away.
- The spray WD-40 got its name because
there were forty attempts needed before the creation of the water displacing
- In only eight minutes, the Space Shuttle
can accelerate to a speed of 27,000 kilometres per hour.
- Coconuts kill more people in the world
than sharks do. Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts.
- 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111
- In the game Monopoly, the most money
you can lose in one travel around the board (normal game rules, going to jail
only once) is $26,040. The most money you can lose in one turn is $5070.
- A donkey will sink in quicksand but a
- According to British law passed in 1845,
attempting to commit suicide was a capital offence. Offenders could be hanged
- Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long
as both parties are registered blood donors.
- In Athens, Greece, a driver's license
can be taken away by law if the driver is deemed either unbathed or poorly
- In England during Queen Victoria's reign,
it was illegal to be a homosexual but not a lesbian. The reason being that
when the Queen was approving the law she wouldn't believe that women would
- In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal
for a husband to kiss his wife on Sundays.
- In the UK, there is no act of parliament
making it illegal to commit murder. Murder is only illegal due to legal precedent.
- It is against the law to stare at the
mayor of Paris.
- It is illegal in Sweden to train a seal
to balance a ball on its nose.
- It is illegal to eat oranges while bathing
- 50,000 of the cells in your body will
die and be replaced with new cells all while you have been reading this sentence.
- A person at rest generates as much heat
as a 100-watt light bulb.
- A person will die from total lack of
sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without
sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks.
- A Sphygmomanometer measures blood pressure.
- Banging your head against a wall uses
150 calories an hour.
- Bernard Clemmens of London managed to
sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
- By the age of 60, the human eye has absorbed
the same amount of light produced in an atomic blast.
- During menstruation, the sensitivity
of a woman's middle finger is reduced.
- Human beings cannot taste or smell a
substance that is not soluble.
- If someone punches you in the nose hard,
it will hurt.
- If you fart consistently for 6 years
and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create an atomic bomb.
- If you lock you knees while standing
long enough, you will pass out.
- In Michagan, USA, a man legally owns
his wife's hair.
- Melting an ice cube in your mouth burns
- Mr. Spock's blood is green.
- On average, a man will only speak 2000
words over the course of a day while a woman will speak 7000 words in the
same amount of time.
- Only one person in two billion will live
to be 116 or older.
- Over 2,500 left handed people a year
are killed from using products made for right handed people.
- Proportional to their weight, men are
stronger than horses.
- Several well documented instances have
been reported of extremely obese people flushing aircraft toilets whilst still
sitting on them. The vacuum action of these toilets sucked the rectum inside
- The best recorded distance for projectile
vomiting is 27 feet.
- The city morgue in the Bronx, New York
gets so busy sometimes that the next of kin have to take a number for body
- The study of nose picking is called rhinotillexomania.
- X goes first in Tic Tac Toe.
- There are 22 stars surrounding the mountain
on the Paramount Pictures logo.
- If you leave Tokyo by plane at 7:00am,
you will arrive in Honolulu at approximately 4:30pm the previous day.
- One legend claims stealing someone's
shadow (by measuring it against a wall and driving a nail through its head)
can turn the victim into a vampire.
- One year contains 31,557,600 seconds.
- Scientists in Australia's Parkes Observatory
thought they had positive proof of alien life, when they began picking up
radio-waves from space. However, after investigation, the radio emissions
were traced to a microwave in the building.
- In Sweden, while prostitution is legal,
it is illegal for anyone to use the services of a prostitute.In Sweden, while
prostitution is legal, it is illegal for anyone to use the services of a prostitute.
- It is illegal to frown at cows in Bladworth,
- It was once against the law to slam your
car door in a city in Switzerland.
- Mailing an entire building has been illegal
in the U.S. since 1916 when a man mailed a 40,000-ton brick house across Utah
to avoid high freight rates.
- The youngest Pope was 11 years old.
- 43% of all statistics are completely
- 4/3rds of all people don't understand
- A woman invented the dishwasher.
- In 1936, American track star Jesse Owens
beat a race horse over a 100-yard course. The horse was given a head start.
- The only bone not broken so far during
any ski accident is one located in the inner ear.
- Three consective strikes in bowling is
called a turkey.
- A Duracell MN1203 battery has 4.5v in
Meaningfull Sentence of Last
"Lets say you have a goose and it looks
tasty Iagree, but this goose, it is a living bundle of joy for many goose humping
mamoths that survive on the pleasure that these feathered birds give them, so
think twice before killing and eating these creatures, together we can defeat
this problem and soon we could all have a goose of our own, to pleasure us and
do dirty indian sex rituals with. We can do this if we work together please
think twice. "
Stuart Fox 2002
© 'Crazy Ad Productions'